Beware! The Blob

It's one thing when you discover a "so bad it's good" type movie and hold it forever dear as a go-to when you're in the mood for choice trash.  It's quite another when a movie is desperately trying to be so bad it's good and is just plain bad.  That can be awfully deadly, and so goes 1972's BEWARE! THE BLOB, the only theatrical feature actor Larry Hagman would ever direct.  You'd expect me to say this was a good thing, but his direction is actually pretty good.  He sets up some decent shots, mostly competent.  The problem is the entire approach - too self consciously spoofy and cheeky.  Far too aware of itself.

The film is billed as a sequel to 1958's THE BLOB, which starred Steve McQueen and became a cult favorite.  Hagman's film, I'm sure, has its own cult, considerably smaller.  The story follows the accidental release of a red gelatinous substance from a canister brought home by a guy named Chester (Godfrey Cambridge) who was working on a pipeline in the North Pole.  Soon Chester, his wife, their kitten, and nearly all of a small California town are engulfed by the ever growing goo.  Our heroes are a young hippie couple (Gwynne Gilford and Robert Walker Jr.).  Besides the blob, the main antagonist is the insufferable Edward (Richard Stahl) who owns the local bowling alley/ice rink, where the film's eventful climax unfolds.  

We also meet various characters played a bevy of familiar '70s faces: Cindy Williams, Carol Lynley, Bud Cort, Dick Van Patten, Gerit Graham, Burgess Meredith, and others.  Hagman himself plays a derelict.  All fodder for the murderous title creature.

The best thing to be said about BEWARE! THE BLOB is that it captures early '70s suburbia quite vividly.  And...some of the shots of the blob are inventive, especially considering the film's very low budget.  But the decision to make this film so goofy is its undoing, and the actors' rampant, awkward ad libbing is often painfully dumb.   A few scenes are OK, but most, including the one in the barber shop, are just ridiculous and pointless. Funny? Nah. Scary? Nah.

The fact that this was streamed on the Criterion Channel makes me wonder if their programmers had imbibed as much Miller High Life and those "special" brownies as the characters in this movie.  Viewers are advised to do likewise.