Vivah Sanskar

The wedding festivities had begun on Thanksgiving, one day before we arrived. My wife's cousin, a young man of Indian descent, was celebrating a union of matrimony that entailed several days of fascinating Hindu rituals. A Mendhi ceremony (application of henna to the extremities of the bride) occurred on that Thursday. A puja was also held that day; this is a gathering where various food, drink, and ornaments are offered to a deity by family members and loved ones. A previous puja had been held in the home of the groom last summer. I had missed the earlier one as I was busy in lovely Timonium, MD, learning about intraoperative monitoring.

Friday night: a Garba/Raas party. The bride and groom and family and friends gathered to witness spectacular dance routines and then participated in joyous dancing that culminated with the rapping/clicking of drumsticks wrapped in colorful materials. The evening began with one large circle of revelers, slowly rotating collectively and individually with 180 degree turns and hand claps. A smaller circle, circumscribed within the larger, had begun in the center of the hotel ballroom. One circle moved clockwise, the other, counter. The drumstick dance was also performed in circles, with hypnotic patterns of clanging amongst participants (including yours truly, for a little while at least). There was an impressive array of cuisine for all the famished guests.

Most of the guests were clad in ornate garments that night and all weekend. The women: saris, embroidered choli, bandhani dupettas. The gentlemen: kedias. My wife wore three different saris throughout the weekend, all of which required time and patience to apply. She was not used to the process, and for each preparation we gazed into my iPhone for assistance, watching numerous instructional videos on YouTube. Methodical pleating, folding, wrapping. There was some teeth gnashing and trial and error, as well as some trips to the ladies' room when the veteran sari wearers saw our attempts, but the results were quite pleasing. Sonia looked beautiful. We had planned on getting a kedia for me before we flew up, but we ran out of time.

Saturday morning: the Vedic Hindu marriage ceremony began with the groom atop a white horse, bringing up the rear of a procession of gyrating guests and a drummer banging on both sides of an elongated "meddale" kettle. It was quite a scene, this festive push down W. Jefferson Blvd. in downtown Ft. Wayne, IN. It was 9 in the morning. A woman who had witnessed the spectacle from across the street even joined in the procession, clapping and dancing along! She shouted out a "thank you" as the groom reached the front doors of the hotel, stating that Ft. Wayne didn't typically see such energy so early in the morning, any morning!

The ceremony itself, it must be noted, is dictated by 5000 year rituals prescribed by religious texts known as "Vedas." These texts descibe the marriage as a union not only of bride and groom, but entire families.

The procession ("Baarat") continues. The groom is showered with rice and flowers by the bride's mother upon arrival. The bride is carried in on a wooden seat festooned with pillows and flowers. At the front of the auditorium, she will adorn her groom and his family with garlands. The "stage" is an enclosure anchored by corkscrew columns, the "roof" covered in flowers. The bride and groom are seated in the rear middle. Their parents and siblings and cousins seated on either side, closer to the edge of the stage. The priest, or Maharaj, will be seated next to the groom. A scared fire, or Agni, will burn in the center of the stage during the ceremony.

The ceremony more or less followed this structure from hereon:

Ganesh Puja: Another ceremony, similiar to the aforementioned pujas, desgined to please Lord Ganesh (Hindu god). Ganesh will be invoked throungh prayers and proclamations, asking for removal of obstacles and prosperity to the marrieds.

Madhuperk: The parents of the bride wash the groom's feet with milk, ghee, curd, sugar, and honey. Also, the bride's siblings and cousins playfully try to steal the groom's shoes. This illustrates one of several humorous activities during the ceremony to balance the seriousness. The groom will later negotiate for the return of his shoes.

Antarpat and Manglashtak: A curtain is symbolically placed between the bride and groom by the families, signifying their separateness. The Maharaj chants verses, and the curtain is removed.

Varmala: This exchange of garlands between the bride and groom is described in the wedding program as to "symbolize love and respect for each other and a surrender of ego..."

Kanyadaan: The parents of the bride give away their daughter ("Kanya"). The father pours sacred water, a ritual symbolically denoting this practice.

Hastmelap: As the bride and groom join hands, the priest places a cotton thread around their shoulders. The thread embodies a binding together of the partners.

Granthi Bandham: The couple's outfits are tied together to represent their unity in God's presence, as well as that of the Agni (fire), and families and friends.

Agni Puja: Agni is offered prayers for the removal of evil and ignorance.

Mangal Pheras: The "Pheras" are prayers spoken by the couple separately as they circle the fire four times. The Pheras describe humanitarian values, the earning of wages with honesty and integrity, an acknowledgement of love, a pursual of contentment. Once the prayers are all spoken, the bride and groom will race back to their seats, the first there is said to "rule the house" in another attempt to lighten the seriousness of the rituals.

Mangal Sutra Bandham: The mangal sutra is the Eastern equivalent of a wedding ring. Here, a gold chain that is blessed by family members and then given by the groom to his bride.

Sindoor: The groom applies a special powder into the bride's hair (at the part).

Saptapadi: A series of seven vows are spoken.

Kansar Bhojan: An exchange of sweets between the bride and groom, in a symbolic display of sharing.

Akhand Saubhagyavati: The bride's married female relatives whisper favorable wishes into her right ear.

Ashirwaad: After the exchange of the traditional rings, the newly marrieds bow to their elders, asking for their blessings. Flowers are bestowed on the couple afterward.

Vidai: The finale of the ceremony arrives as the bride and groom depart.

That evening, a reception that followed the more Western traditions of cake cutting, toasts, and shaking your groove thang (though mostly to Indian artists)commenced. More incredible Indian cuisine, buffet style. I also did a few shots with the groom, his brother, and some of his work colleagues. The bartender said it was a Kamikaze, but either my tolerance has risen or he was fibbing. I felt nothing.

But what an incredible weekend. The generosity and warmth of the families and guests was nothing short of astonishing. May the bride and groom have a lifetime of blessing and prosperity. It was an honor to be in attendance.