Colonoscopy

Faithful readers will recall that I turned fifty this year.  A milestone.  Also, a time when certain medical screenings and procedures become inevitable.  I had mildly dreaded the colonscopy for many years.  Back in my pharmacy days, I spoke to several customers/patients who filled scripts for GoLytely, which came in a large plastic jug filled with flavored powder.  A lot of it.  The stories of "Prep day" were fairly grim.  Some stated that they felt ill from all the medicine they had to imbibe.  Of course, schedules had to be cleared and a toilet always needed to be close by.  Some of the more graphic details are thankfully lost to time.

My wife had the procedure two years ago.  Pre-cancerous polyps were discovered and removed.  Her prep night was not pleasant, but she soldiered through.  I knew my time was coming.  I made an appointment with her G.I. doc who is in a group very close to my workplace.  I had a brief chat with him before a rather stern nurse gave me the instructions, adding that no Advil could be taken for five days prior.  Bad news as it is the only analgesic that dependably controls my headaches, which I get here and there.  Hopefully one wouldn't occur.

Of course, one did, the Saturday before.  Thankfully, Tylenol is approved and while it never really worked for me in the past, it did the job.  Placebo?

I worked a half day on Monday and then retreated home.  At dawn I had already begun to enjoy a diet of jello (red not allowed) and chicken broth. "If you can see through it, you can eat it!" was the guide.  I did better than expected.  I typically eat a large breakfast.  At 4 P.M. I began to follow the instructions.  I downed Bottle #1 of Clenpiq, a sodium/magnesium/citric acid solution.  Lots of water followed.  It began to work within two hours.  I watched movies and episodes of The Wire.  Eh, felt OK.  You do get tired.  I'll spare you anything else, other than I had Bottle #2 at 10:00 PM, chasing it with water until 2:00 AM.

My procedure was scheduled for 10-11 AM the next day.  It was explained to me that my insurance necessitated that the colonoscopy be performed at the hospital, just a few doors down from the G.I. practice.  I have to say it was a bit unnerving lying in the gurney in the surgical prep area, barely curtained off from others who were going for more big time surgery.  A nurse said that I would be asleep for it all.  When I was wheeled into the O.R., the anaesthesiologist told me I was getting a cocktail of Versed and Propofol.  He was cracking jokes, quite ingratiating.  His student did the actual administration of it into my left arm.  My G.I. doc popped over me with reassurances and told me to lie on my left side.  I watched the white fluid stream.

Forty-five minutes later, I heard my name.  A nurse.  Backing up, I have to recall that the student doc asked what name I like to be called.  Good strategy, as hearing your legal but rarely uttered name may not register so easily as you're coming out of the fog.   The nurse gently spoke.  It is probably the only time in my life a woman will encourage me to pass gas.   I was now in a different room -  Post Op.  My G.I doc appeared again and told me to lay off the popcorn.  He said the procedure was a success - one benign polyp had to be removed.  I felt a bit groggy, but also as if I had slept peacefully for hours.  Little wonder that some famous people become addicted to that stuff.

You can't drive yourself home.  They take this seriously enough to call your driver to ensure you don't.  Uber also not allowed.  My friend came and soon I was back home.  I had breakfast for lunch, but not overdoing it.  I relaxed the rest of the day.

Another blog post for historical purposes.  I'll reference it when I have my next colonoscopy in five years.  If you're of age, you really should do it.