The Room

I can't recall ever seeing another "actor" like Tommy Wiseau.   If he fails in every other pursuit of his filmmaking (and oh, does he ever), he can at least lay claim to being a bona-fide original, an near indescribable entity of uncertain ethnicity and incoherence that has never been witnessed on screen before.  Words fail, they really do.  Likewise for his 2003 film THE ROOM, to which Wiseau also lent his writing, producing, and directing skills.  I've heard about this movie for years, one which has deservedly become legendary for its awfulness.  A new "so bad it's good" and "worst film ever" entry.  A highly devoted cult has grown, mandating regular midnight showings around the globe.  The screenings invite audience participation, complete with props such as spoons and footballs (both quite prominent in the movie), often tossed at the screen during appropriate moments.

I haven't been to one of those showings, but I bet they only enhance what is already a jaw dropping experience.  I was prepared to dismiss the hype, to find THE ROOM just another inept drama from well meaning but talentless also-rans.  A low budget soap opera.   A movie no different than many slapped together made for cable HD camera lensed time fillers.  It does play exactly like that, more specifically an amateurish straight to video softcore cheapie that would run on The Playboy Channel or Cinemax.  But THE ROOM is something else, far more than a forgettable half awake glance at the TV after 11 P.M.  I'll bet that most people with even a rudimentary understanding of writing, acting, and directing couldn't even try to make something this terrible.  It's almost breathtaking.  Trust me.  In fact, don't; see it for yourself.

Wiseau plays Johnny, a financially secure San Francisco banker who has a happy longterm relationship with Lisa (Juliette Daniele) to whom he's about be married. Well, so he thinks.  After seven years, Lisa, quite the "manipulative bitch" has lost interest in her beau, and begins dallying with Johnny's best friend Mark (Greg Sestero).  Her mom (Carolyn Minnott) warns her to grow up and "be responsible", even if that means being miserable. "Marriage has nothing to do with love."  Johnny and Lisa have also more or less adopted a teen named Denny (Philip Haldiman), a very confused young man who owes a debt to a vicious drug dealer and doesn't find it inappropriate to jump on J & L's bed as they're getting amorous.  This story will not end happily.

All of this sounds like a standard Lifetime movie, but any such program will seem like ALL ABOUT EVE compared to this farrago.   If you judge THE ROOM as the drama it intends to be, you do indeed have a candidate for the worst film of all time.  But even if you take it as a "dark comedy" (which Wiseau insists it is, although he did not voice this opinion until after the film became a worldwide laughing stock), the camerawork, editing, blocking, screenplay, dialogue, and especially acting relegate this to a serious contender against PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE and others.  The sex scenes are some of the most awkward and bizarre you're likely to see (is he humping her thigh?).  And even better, one of them is repeated almost shot for shot!

My favorite scene: on the rooftop with Lisa, Denny, and Claudette after Denny is accosted by "Chris-R", the drug dealing thug.  Each exhibit emotive, community theater level bad acting on overdrive.  It is one of the most gut bustingly hilarious moments in a movie full of them.

I could spend paragraphs describing how deliriously bad THE ROOM is.  Reviews like this are fun to write.  Almost as much fun as watching this movie (despite a few dull stretches).  There is a part of me that adores bad cinema.  This is my new favorite.  Sorry to be so late to the party, Tommy.