Motel Hell

Spoilers!

1980's MOTEL HELL strikes that tricky balance between horrifying and hilarious, never entirely feeling as if one overwhelms the other.  You would also expect me to say, under these circumstances, that some moments are both hilarious and horrifying.  To clarity - just about all.  The movie is about two seemingly kindly country bumpkins whose locally famous smoked meats were once walking around on two legs.  Yeah, Farmer Vincent Smith and his sister Ida have pigs outside the hotel they run, but most visitors (those who aren't victims, anyway) never see the "secret garden" or the smokehouse.  I guess the income from Motel Hello (the "o" keeps flickering) room rates just isn't enough to make ends meet.

"It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's fritters" is the motto.  Well sure, bikers, rock band members, swingers, health inspectors.  They're all fritter fodder.  Vincent sets bear traps on the road to ambush motorists, then knocks them out with some mysterious gas before planting them in that garden. They aren't killed right away - their throats are slit so they can only make awful gurgling sounds under those bags on their heads. Later, when they're "ready", the Smiths hypnotize them with psychedelic swirling lights before securing ropes around their necks, which are snapped as a tractor edges away.

I give you all this detail in case maybe you wanted to see this movie.  To sway you in either direction.  Gotta be honest, here.  We get a fair amount of nuts and bolts detail in the smoked human flesh business, perhaps more than most viewers would care to see.  Not dedicated horror and gore fans, of course.  But some of the invisible audience may have read that MOTEL HELL is really more of a comedy, not a true splatterfest.  The emphasis in director Kevin Connor's film is on humor, but be warned it is still mighty unpleasant and dark.  And often hysterical.

That said, the violence is mainly relegated to the climax, during which two characters engage in a chainsaw fight.  Creative and well staged.  One combatant is wearing a pig's head as he swings that Poulen around.  The movie has several great moments, but the entire climax is especially well done, with generous nods to THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD.  Prior, Connor maintains a surefooted pace and tone as we follow the story of a young girl who is spared the cleaver (her biker boyfriend ain't so lucky) and stays with those sweet, God-fearing proprietors for a time, ignorant to their nefarious deeds.  Though a strange picnic and Ida's efforts to drown her might've been red flags to a girl with any sense.  Don't examine the plot too carefully (the sheriff's behavior, the drugged champagne, etc.) or you'll find holes.

Rory Calhoun is marvelous as Farmer Vincent, absolutely perfect in his aw shucks charm and moralism.  The man really believes he's helping society, by solving both the population overgrowth and food shortage crises simultaneously.  He also has the film's best line: "Sometimes I wonder about the karmic implications of these actions."  Nancy Parsons is creepily good as Ida, and Elaine Joyce is amusing as an S & M hotel guest (a scene straight out of a Paul Bartel movie).  Too bad though about Paul Linke as Vincent's sheriff brother and Nina Axelrod as the young lady; their amateurish acting is the sort all too common in low budget horror movies.  Also a shame about the very last scene, which is abrupt and unsatisfying.

P.S. - Wolfman Jack is on hand as a minister.  Dead on casting, there.  He had a great scene and I thought "This movie will only get better if we see him again".  Then, BOOM! He's in the very next scene!