Prometheus

SPOILERS!!!!!

Oh, where to begin with PROMETHEUS? So much to be said, so little of it good. This gargantuan new release, 20th Century Fox's summer "tent pole", is director Ridley Scott's return to science fiction, with a greater emphasis than usual on the second word. For a film that really, really wants to stir our minds with considerations of origin of species, evolution, creation, DNA, history, and faith, it's well, really lacking. Many films with such aspirations fail to develop potentially intriguing ideas in their screenplays. This film started with less than half baked notions and proceeded to assemble some of the most unappealing and just plain dumb characters and scenarios I've ever seen in such a high profile, highly-anticipated film. 

In the year 2089, archeologists Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) discover a cave mural they believe to be a map to a faraway moon where the secrets of mankind's beginnings lie. Elderly zillionaire CEO Peter Wayland (Guy Pearce, under layers of makeup) funds a mission to that moon aboard a state-of-the-art ship called the Prometheus. Joining the duo are a group of biologists, geologists, and assorted support crew. Lurking around is Vickers (Charlize Theron), the mission director who warns the eager scientists not to touch anything, especially dormant aliens or shiny medical equipment. There is also an android called David (Michael Fassbender) who monitors the hybernating crew (the trip has a 2 year travel time) and uses that time to absorb new languages and watch LAWRENCE OF ARABIA. Destination finally reached, the crew explores a hollow cavern filled with mysterious cannisters and a large, alien-like corpse (an "Engineer"). 

They were right! That "star map" back on Earth indeed led them to the authors of the universe! While in the eerie cavern, and despite any possible reasoning, the scientists remove their oxygen helmets and feel comfortable just sucking in foreign air. Yes, there's talk about zero CO2 levels and their high-tech headgear that tells them the air is safe, but wouldn't you think that there may be some probability of airborne contaminants floating around such an environment? You know, with a milleniums old alien sarcophagus and all? But I've lost count of how many movies use their characters' stupidity to drive the plot. I call these characters in PROMETHEUS "stupid" because, they're supposed to be brilliant scientists and all. And not for one second of screen time do they act in such a manner. It only gets sillier. Shaw retrieves the alien head and brings it back to the ship for analysis. After a few ill-advised incisions and injections, the head explodes like an egg in a microwave. Through this it is discovered that the Engineer's DNA is an exact match for that of humans'. All humans? The subject is dropped.

Meanwhile, that rascal David has secretly swiped one of the cannisters and performs his own experiments, discovering a strange black fluid within. Why does he spike Dr. Holloway's drink with it? This causes the poor doctor's body to be ravaged with an infection, with tentacles failing from his eyeballs. But before this happens, he has intercourse with Shaw, who right before that tearily laments her sterility. The next day, following Holloway's horrible death, it is discovered that she is suddenly 3 months pregnant with...something. At this point, we get the film's single most ludicrous scene: Shaw climbs into a machine that performs various surgeries; just touch the screen and choose your procedure. Oh, but wait, the machine's only calibrated for males! Makes you wonder why this equipment is located in Vickers' private quarters?! Shaw has no time to waste - she orders a C-section and our dear director treats us to an intense, gory, and entirely improbable sequence as the abdominal cutting begins. A nasty alien offspring is pulled out. The machine does a quick staple job. Then Shaw climbs out and other than croaking a few moans, is able to join crew members as they return to the cavern! She's covered in blood, and nobody bats an eye at her! She's able to run in a heavy suit, post surgery. Sure. 

There's so much more, and I'm tempted to keep going lest you be tempted to sit through this farrago. And many will be tempted, as visually PROMETHEUS is highly impressive. Astounding art direction, meticulously detailed sets (many not CGI), stellar special effects. Just as you would expect from the stylist who helmed the original ALIEN and BLADE RUNNER. In IMAX and 3-D, PROMETHEUS is at times breathtaking. It's worth the extra bucks to see it, if you must watch. But unless you're a hardcore sci-fier or Ridley fan, you really should avoid this movie. I know that "it's all about the visuals" with many films like this, but the indications are that the film wanted to be profound and intelligent. It doesn't come within a mile of either. The script by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelof is so muddled, so filled with incomplete ideas. It takes the time to try to establish that "The Engineers" did create the human race, but makes no effort to try to explain why they want to destroy it. What of Shaw's devotion to her faith (she wears a cross around her neck and states "this is what I choose to believe" more than once)? There are no scenes attempting to explain the scientist's reconciliation of "blind" faith and hard data, other than a brief "who made who?" conversation that lasts about three lines of dialogue. 

And why does David cause so many problems? Is he trying to smuggle one of alien life forms back to Earth? To have them wipe out humans and perpetuate a new race? From where humans came (note the opening scene)? Is he undertaking someone's agenda? Or are David's flaws and maliciousness because the writers are trying to say that even perfect machines are imperfect? Efforts to equate him to a HAL 9000 are unsuccessful here. I'm also still in shock over how paper thin and unlikable the characters in PROMETHEUS are. Very badly written, with motivations and behavior that made no sense, such as when Dr. Holloway, having just discovered the alien he was hoping to find, dons a hoodie and gets drunk. Not celebratory drunk, but moody drunk. Why? What the hell prompted that? Is he like the guy who gets depressed when he's up 40 large in a poker game? Are there scenes missing? I'm not jonesing for a Director's Cut. I was unimpressed with the performances, excepting maybe Fassbender, who based his android posture on David Bowie in THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH and Sean Young in BLADE RUNNER. Theron really phones in her performance, likely the worst (and certainly the least expressive) in her career. Maybe this was, um, by design? Like she's actually an android herself?

 There's some teasing to that effect, unresolved. You may have read that PROMETHEUS was conceived as a prequel to ALIEN. Through the rewrites and personnel changes, this project grew into its own animal, but there are still links to the 1979 film, including the very last scene. But also, much of the plot of PROMETHEUS copies ALIEN, to no avail. The earlier film was a riff on the 1950s' science fiction film IT! THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE, and in many ways a high-tech "who goes there" or "10 Little Indians" plot, but so well cast and even philosophical at times. Not to mention scary. PROMETHEUS does have some brief spine tingling moments and palpable atmosphere (something I often champion), but it's not enough this time. And of course, Scott's BLADE RUNNER is one of the most thoughtful, deep, emotional, and elegiac sci-fi films, ever. And it set standards for visual effects like few other films have. PROMETHEUS does not earn the right to even be a piece of slime on the earlier films' shoes. 

NOTE: In July I'll be posting a review for the 2010 sci-fi/space epic film MOON, which cost a fraction of PROMETHEUS' budget but still looks fabulous and has an insightful script. Might I suggest you rent that instead of watching Mr. Scott's travesty.