Saturday, March 29, 2008

Today

Scary few weeks, here. I had some trouble over my lack of timeliness in submitting a Review board request for a resaerch study. I believe everything will be OK. I was so wound up over it I did nothing this week. I need to be preapring for a Board examination. I've pushed it to June.

I'm also not attending this year's American Acdemy of Audiology meeting. several factors here: withdrew poster for presentation, lack of $$$, but also my lack of desire to commune with my collegeaues. Yes, maybe I'm still embarrassed? Dunno. Is it my sociopathy, which I fight tooth and nail daily? Perhaps. Now is not yet the time. I miss my classmates, but we've all moved forward. We're scattered all over the States and beyond now. We were like a family for three years. But, curiously not. We were a collection of cliques, mainly. Not really a tightly knit whole. This topic bears some serious exploration. My whole grad school experience does.

But, enough for now. I have work to do. Enjoy the conference, my friends. See you when I see you.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Still Around

Yes invisible audience, I'm still here.



I haven't posted since Christmas Day. Tsk. Tsk. So how's '08? Not bad, pretty mixed. My mother continues her slow (stalled) recovery. I just wrote a proposal to my supervisor/preceptor for my post-grad job (fingers crossed on the salary requirements). Some real steps have been made for wedding plans. Yes, things are good.



But I'm really starting to feel my mortality. I always have, but lately it's been overwhelming. Yes, I'll only be turning 39 this year, but sometimes I feel like I've lived for centuries. So many faces have come and gone, ghosts, I call them. They're haunting me. The inevitable deaths of loved ones (hopefully far in the future) reduce me to a weeping wreck as I fall asleep. My faith is still strong, and there is great comfort there, but I still struggle with the temporal. I think of future souls, some perhaps wondering about those who walked this planet long before them. Will there be any trace of me? Or will I just be carbon. My soul will be with the Lord, but will there be some tangible legacy of my life?



Time for bed. More entries later. You know, for the ghosts......